Home Alone

The night before the kids left for grandma's house, I was overcome with sadness. A majority of my day is spent in direct relation to their needs and wants and the keeping of our home. It suddenly hit me that I don't know what to do with myself if they are not around. I had been looking forward to this time alone with my husband but for a brief moment at the setting of the sun the night before their departure, I became panicked.

The one thing I miss the most when they are gone is laughter. There is a stark difference in the feel of the house when they are away. It is quiet and still, bland and dull, lacking zest and just plain appealing. The house may stay cleaner but it certainly isn't the warm and cozy place we love when the kids are here. Dustin and I are pretty quiet people and yet God gave us these two very loud, energetic, hilarious kids. They certainly spice up our lives.

Dustin and I our first day together alone. We cleaned up a little bit, walked around downtown Ventura, coked a mean meal and enjoyed fellowship at our church for prayer. But it was weird to get out of the car and not have to herd little people to the curb. And it was really weird to take communion at church this morning and not have a child in our arms as we explained why we partake in the bread and juice. This afternoon we went through the kids toy boxes and made some room for newer toys that will arrive for Christmas. I just miss the quirky comments the kids make and how they make me laugh.

Tomorrow is a full day of appointments. We have my social security hearing and then two doctor appointments. The kids keep calling and leaving long messages about how much fun they are having. What a beautiful thing to have a close relationship with grandparents. Something that I miss out on. So I am joyfully setting my face to the Lord and enjoying my time with my husband knowing that what my kids are gaining is far better than me just missing them. Maybe I should see if Dustin will tell me some knock-knock jokes in the interim. ;)